If I have to tell you I care about you as a preface to some difficult feedback, I am already the wrong person to give you the news. It is hard for us to hear the truth from people we KNOW love us; it is nearly impossible for us to hear people we don't believe really care.
Truth about who we are could be divided into one of four categories:
We will all have varying degrees of each category, but the most dangerous one is our blind spot. This is caused by us either deliberately closing our eyes to something, or we have not had anyone care about us enough to tell us the truth.
Telling the truth to people about themselves is hard. In the workplace, more and more companies are trained to look for talented people who are self-aware, because self-aware people need less truth telling... they are open to feedback as a normal path to growth.
When someone is sitting down with you to evaluate your performance, what do you remember from the encounter? The good? Or the bad? And since the person telling you is not the Lord Jesus, how can they possibly be perfect in knowing any truth about you? They cannot. Which is why it is so much better to hear it from Him first.
The Lord is the only One who can tell us some challenging truths about ourselves without leaving us feeling hopeless about it. He doesn't just editorialize then force us to figure it out. His method is to bring it to our attention with the purpose of inviting us to let Him help us overcome. Invite Him to show you.
If you're the person having to give the difficult feedback, it is never wrong to question your motives. If you are handing out advice to someone you don't care about, don't be surprised when it falls on deaf ears, or actually makes the problem worse. Work on caring about them. The Lord can give you His eyes for the moments of the encounter, where the delivery can be made in a way you could not on your own. And don't pass off this difficult job to paper or email or another person if it is truly hard to do.
As a young supervisor, I remember having a conversation with the Lord about people not wanting to hear the truth. His answer to me was very clear: "Most people don't like to eat their meat raw." Clearly, I had work to do on my delivery....and timing...and relationships.
Seek Him diligently, and He will reveal Himself to you. In this revelation you will become more like Him. His light leaves no blind spots.
Truth about who we are could be divided into one of four categories:
- Truth everyone knows about us (including us)
- Truth only we know about ourselves
- Truth only God knows (and we don't even know)
- Truth everyone else knows that we are blind to
We will all have varying degrees of each category, but the most dangerous one is our blind spot. This is caused by us either deliberately closing our eyes to something, or we have not had anyone care about us enough to tell us the truth.
Telling the truth to people about themselves is hard. In the workplace, more and more companies are trained to look for talented people who are self-aware, because self-aware people need less truth telling... they are open to feedback as a normal path to growth.
When someone is sitting down with you to evaluate your performance, what do you remember from the encounter? The good? Or the bad? And since the person telling you is not the Lord Jesus, how can they possibly be perfect in knowing any truth about you? They cannot. Which is why it is so much better to hear it from Him first.
The Lord is the only One who can tell us some challenging truths about ourselves without leaving us feeling hopeless about it. He doesn't just editorialize then force us to figure it out. His method is to bring it to our attention with the purpose of inviting us to let Him help us overcome. Invite Him to show you.
If you're the person having to give the difficult feedback, it is never wrong to question your motives. If you are handing out advice to someone you don't care about, don't be surprised when it falls on deaf ears, or actually makes the problem worse. Work on caring about them. The Lord can give you His eyes for the moments of the encounter, where the delivery can be made in a way you could not on your own. And don't pass off this difficult job to paper or email or another person if it is truly hard to do.
As a young supervisor, I remember having a conversation with the Lord about people not wanting to hear the truth. His answer to me was very clear: "Most people don't like to eat their meat raw." Clearly, I had work to do on my delivery....and timing...and relationships.
Seek Him diligently, and He will reveal Himself to you. In this revelation you will become more like Him. His light leaves no blind spots.
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