The enemy of your soul, the great imitator, loves to invent false versions of the real thing, especially when the imitation can screw up your life without you realizing how you got there.
One of these imitations is false intimacy. There are many forms, but the "just between you, me and the fence post" is one of the most insidious. (The fence post simply cannot be trusted it seems.)
When someone we truly don't know that well initiates a confidence, if we think highly of them we are vulnerable to being sucked into the idea we are intimate with them when we are not. On the reverse, if we are willing to trust people we hardly know with sensitive information, we are blinded by the same ego that desires to be valued... by our information and the sharing of same.
There is a sense that when information is shared "off the record" we can check our best behavior at the door. We say things about people we would never want those people to hear us say. We let our hair down, we lose our discipline and tact, and we lay our cards out on the table.
The idea that we can get away with things when no one (of "real importance") is looking is the same as thinking there is no cause and effect; there are no consequences for our actions. Let's settle this: if a trees falls in the forest and there is no one around to hear it, it still crushes everything it falls on.
I was recently present in a court room that was a court "NOT" of record. This means the proceedings
were not recorded . The lack of formality in such courts permits private citizens who would normally be required to be represented by council to speak for themselves without having to know all the procedural rules. This particular setting was a very small municipality. Nevertheless, I was surprised to hear some of the things said by the prosecutor and judge. It seemed they felt relaxed enough in the non-recorded setting to say all sorts of things that never would be permitted in a court of record. It was not proper. They are expected to follow the higher standard because they have been trained in it. The grace in "not recorded" is meant for the weaker party.
I could lapse Pollyanna here and say if you just followed one rule you'd never be in trouble: "Never say something about someone you wouldn't say to their face." But if you're really going to go to that extreme, you'd need to add "...say to their face in front of their entire world and let them know in advance you're going to do it." Realistically, however, sometimes evaluating someone's character or behavior is a conversation you cannot have with that person (at least not initially).
All of us struggle with the tongue. Many of us are fascinated with human behavior. Some of us like to dissect it ad nauseam. Perhaps this is appropriate for discussing movie characters. Not appropriate for discussing coworkers, bosses, friends or family.
Use the experiences where you've said too much to evaluate your own attitudes about the difficult people in your life. If you've gone as far as to spew unkind words about them, you must ask yourself if you have a heart attitude that needs to be addressed. Forget about whether they deserve it or not. This is about you. If you can be disciplined about difficult people, you'll never slide into saying things about people you truly care about.
The enemy of your soul would also like you to believe that words are only words. The Bible says, "Life and death is in the tongue." Speak life. And remember Someone hears everything and sees everything. We will be held accountable for it eventually.
One of these imitations is false intimacy. There are many forms, but the "just between you, me and the fence post" is one of the most insidious. (The fence post simply cannot be trusted it seems.)
When someone we truly don't know that well initiates a confidence, if we think highly of them we are vulnerable to being sucked into the idea we are intimate with them when we are not. On the reverse, if we are willing to trust people we hardly know with sensitive information, we are blinded by the same ego that desires to be valued... by our information and the sharing of same.
There is a sense that when information is shared "off the record" we can check our best behavior at the door. We say things about people we would never want those people to hear us say. We let our hair down, we lose our discipline and tact, and we lay our cards out on the table.
The idea that we can get away with things when no one (of "real importance") is looking is the same as thinking there is no cause and effect; there are no consequences for our actions. Let's settle this: if a trees falls in the forest and there is no one around to hear it, it still crushes everything it falls on.
I was recently present in a court room that was a court "NOT" of record. This means the proceedings
were not recorded . The lack of formality in such courts permits private citizens who would normally be required to be represented by council to speak for themselves without having to know all the procedural rules. This particular setting was a very small municipality. Nevertheless, I was surprised to hear some of the things said by the prosecutor and judge. It seemed they felt relaxed enough in the non-recorded setting to say all sorts of things that never would be permitted in a court of record. It was not proper. They are expected to follow the higher standard because they have been trained in it. The grace in "not recorded" is meant for the weaker party.
I could lapse Pollyanna here and say if you just followed one rule you'd never be in trouble: "Never say something about someone you wouldn't say to their face." But if you're really going to go to that extreme, you'd need to add "...say to their face in front of their entire world and let them know in advance you're going to do it." Realistically, however, sometimes evaluating someone's character or behavior is a conversation you cannot have with that person (at least not initially).
All of us struggle with the tongue. Many of us are fascinated with human behavior. Some of us like to dissect it ad nauseam. Perhaps this is appropriate for discussing movie characters. Not appropriate for discussing coworkers, bosses, friends or family.
Use the experiences where you've said too much to evaluate your own attitudes about the difficult people in your life. If you've gone as far as to spew unkind words about them, you must ask yourself if you have a heart attitude that needs to be addressed. Forget about whether they deserve it or not. This is about you. If you can be disciplined about difficult people, you'll never slide into saying things about people you truly care about.
The enemy of your soul would also like you to believe that words are only words. The Bible says, "Life and death is in the tongue." Speak life. And remember Someone hears everything and sees everything. We will be held accountable for it eventually.
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